October is Emotional Intelligence Awareness Month. It’s the perfect time for an easy review of what emotional intelligence (EI) is and how it can work even better in your life.
A simple experiment done in the 1960s helps us see why EI is important. You may have heard of the Marshmallow Test, done by psychologist Walter Mischel. A marshmallow was put on a table in front of a 4-year-old, who was given permission to eat it.
The adult said they were going to step out for a few minutes, and if the child could wait until they got back, they’d get 2 marshmallows instead. If you need a good laugh, check out videos of these kids trying to distract themselves as they wait.
Scientists followed these kids for decades, and saw that the group who could manage their emotions, wait, and delay instant gratification for a bigger reward later became much more successful in life. This experiment broke through the dominant belief that raw intelligence or IQ scores were the best ways to predict future success.
Knowing that a high EI help us have a better life (through persistence, patience, and ability to cope with frustration), let’s look at the five parts of Michael Goleman’s generally accepted model of EI and how to apply them.
The first part is emotional awareness: can you identify what you are feeling? As if looking at gauges on a car’s dashboard, can you name the feeling, its intensity, and actions that follow? We have to decide emotions are valuable before we can pay attention to them.
Second is emotional regulation: do your emotions overwhelm and control you? Are you able to reset back to neutral after an intense experience? This takes practice and can be trained like working a muscle.
Third, how do emotions affect your internal motivation? Can you live and work for things that truly matter to you, instead of being pushed and pulled by external rewards only. Fourth is empathy.